I give up...

[tenbun_archive]

So I said I wasn't going to complain in here anymore. But I guess that means I'm a liar 'cause I need to rant again today and it starts now. You have been warned. No offense will be taken if you leave.



Ok, if you're still reading this, I have one word for you: wow.

Here goes. Last night, I did again what I swore I was not going to do. I put not only my foot in my mouth, but I'm fairly sure it felt like swallowing my entire leg. (And that's *just* a metaphor, so for all you hentai baka out there, don't get any ideas.) So anyway, without many details, it sucked for 3 main reasons:
1. It involved someone else in the room at the time who I probably hurt
2. I showcased my stupidity infront of many many people
3. The fact that those words left my mouth mean that I have in fact *not* reached a goal I was really striving for this year.

In short: felt very sucky. And then there were really nice people trying to help me feel better, but that made it worse 'cause i was feeling so bitchy I didn't appreciate it nearly as much as I should have. I mean, I was like taking it for granted they were there... and then I started feeling angry, which just makes things worse. But I guess its good they were there, 'cause I didn't want to admit it others, which I guess means I'm really not admitting it to myself either... long philosophical discussion there. So now i'm in a war w/ myself about whether it's ok to be ok with what happened, or if I should be acting differently for a while yet... Gah, I'm such an idiot!

And to make matters worse, I made some big decisions about housing and majors the other day, I just found out a friend's mom died suddenly, (which is horrible) and then I find out that this guy from home choir wants me to play his wedding next year and I'm shocked and honored and completely totally feeling incapable all at once. So Ten-chan (is that how I should refer to myself in this thing? Bu-chan? L-chan... gah.. the personalities can wait 'til later).. anyway, Ten-chan is on a very fast moving emotional rollercoaster right now. And is usng it as an excuse to *not* finish her hw. Yay for salt in the wound-type masochism.

Hmm.. that feels much better.

Food. Food will make all better. I'm going to dinner now. Ja! *grin*

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[liesel-hime.livejournal.com]

*gives you a big hug* It's alright. Everything will work out, I know it will. ^-^

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to call me.