The Thing I Want the Most is really What I'm Most Afraid Of...

I am blessed with awesome friends of awesomeness. ^_^

*that said, rant time*

Well, guess the subject says it all.  Perfect English, ne?

Well, lots of stuff's been happening lately, but things today made some thoughts coherent so here there are.

Tracy gave a really cool talk about expectations and pressures, and well- that's me to a T, except it's not really what others expect of me that's the problem, it's what I *think* they expect and the stuff I expect of myself as a result- since I think I'm kinda afraid to know myself so well and let go of that 'ruler' of how well I'm doing.  And I've never looked at a yoke quite that way before, so Trace, thanks for shifting my perceptions and giving me that little bit of Enlightenment. 

Also, had a really cool talk with Ralph about religion and spirituality and stuff after, which was kinda a high point of the whole cool, yet still semi-weird experience. ^_~  It was great to hear his views, and since its not something I feel its easy to be open about to a lot of people (because I don't know how they will take it/ it will help / hurt me/them) , well, that just made it a better experience.

Like I said, me want open up to people but me deathly afraid of possible consequences.  Sound familiar, anyone? ^^  I'm not complaining, just noting the fact for my own general knowledge- gotta watch out I don't trip myself up on that one. 

I realized for all the things I do and all the things I'm not afraid of, I still have Unreasonable Fear about certain actions and changes- and that I'm afraid of being hurt so I won't totally devote myself to *anything*.  Maybe that 's part of all my running around.  But it's pretty enlightening too, so as long as I remember to stay generally heading towards the destination, who cares if I take the scenic route, ne?  Just gotta be sure I don't end up going in circles.. I'm *way* too good at that..

OK, end rant.

Inspired by above noted thoughts/conversations:

"QUOTE TO THINK ON OF THE WEEK"*

THE BLESSED LORD SAID:
   

     But what need is there for all these details?

      Just know that I am,

       And that I support the whole universe

      With a single fragment of myself.

                                                                               Bhagavad Gita [10:42]

 

*I am not advocating views in quoted statement, I am simply posting as something to get one's brain cells going on some matters.  Agree, disagree, heck- discuss please- as you wish.

I promise the next update to be full of fun-ness and day-in-the-life-of-me-ness. ^-^  'Twill be well worth it, and not mentally taxing. 

G'NIGHT

P.S.- I'll miss all me 'townies' but, 23 days 'til the return of COLLEGE!