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Winter Spring
Mar. 15th, 2004 02:05 pmSo, it's the first day back from Spring Break. Wow. It's amazing how easy and yet how difficult it is to fall back into the routine. Coming back here has really made me realize how nice it was to be home, and how much I miss everyone there. But, I miss the people here too, so I guess I just keep getting torn in half. Not that the division is a bad thing- I just need to learn to build bridges rather than jump ravines. Saturday night was great fun- I need to let myself do things like that more often. And then Sunday, sitting in the cafe with everyone here and celebrating T's birthday- that was great, too, just in a different way. And it will be different next year. But, I hope some things will stay the same.
"And the years go by so fast, wonder how I ever made it..." Speaking of break, nothing like a little Savage Garden and Affirmation to make everything all better. I know that's not really what the song's about, but things really are going super fast lately. Like, my life is suddenly real, and Time is slipping through my fingers much faster than ever before. You would think that'd be motivating, but no, not really. I think it makes me more afraid to try. But I do want to- try I mean- I just don't want to fail. No matter how many times I survive, the fear remains.
"You my dear, are a paradox on two legs." That's something Rob said to me once and I think it fits me in a nutshell. (wait, I'm a peanut ^-^; anyway...) He told me I can solve everyone else's problems, but not my own, when they're basically the same thing and if I was not me I'd have no problems. I think he's right, but I don't know how to change. I thought about that in CAS today. Reading "Long Day's Journey into Night," I realized that I can sympathize with all the characters, and see myself acting like them, even and especially when I don't like their actions. What does that say about me? Walking back to the dorm, I suddenly wanted to cry. But then, people stopped, chatted, smiled, said 'hi', and suddenly it was all better.
Wow, I didn't think blogging would be so theraputic. I apologize to everyone who has chosen to subject themselves to the inner workings of my mind without knowing what they were getting in to. I hope I haven't bored you.
Just so you know, I'm still happily insane, back to the title of this entry. I was walking to class after lunch and noted how the wind was cold enough to be winter, but everything else looks and feels like spring. So I thought "winter spring" and it made me grin. Then it made me think of "Winter Fall." I didn't even realize I was singing that song out loud 'til some guy gave me a weird look. Oh well, what can I say? :D
Well, better start being productive. Long day ahead. See you later.
"today never happened before"
"And the years go by so fast, wonder how I ever made it..." Speaking of break, nothing like a little Savage Garden and Affirmation to make everything all better. I know that's not really what the song's about, but things really are going super fast lately. Like, my life is suddenly real, and Time is slipping through my fingers much faster than ever before. You would think that'd be motivating, but no, not really. I think it makes me more afraid to try. But I do want to- try I mean- I just don't want to fail. No matter how many times I survive, the fear remains.
"You my dear, are a paradox on two legs." That's something Rob said to me once and I think it fits me in a nutshell. (wait, I'm a peanut ^-^; anyway...) He told me I can solve everyone else's problems, but not my own, when they're basically the same thing and if I was not me I'd have no problems. I think he's right, but I don't know how to change. I thought about that in CAS today. Reading "Long Day's Journey into Night," I realized that I can sympathize with all the characters, and see myself acting like them, even and especially when I don't like their actions. What does that say about me? Walking back to the dorm, I suddenly wanted to cry. But then, people stopped, chatted, smiled, said 'hi', and suddenly it was all better.
Wow, I didn't think blogging would be so theraputic. I apologize to everyone who has chosen to subject themselves to the inner workings of my mind without knowing what they were getting in to. I hope I haven't bored you.
Just so you know, I'm still happily insane, back to the title of this entry. I was walking to class after lunch and noted how the wind was cold enough to be winter, but everything else looks and feels like spring. So I thought "winter spring" and it made me grin. Then it made me think of "Winter Fall." I didn't even realize I was singing that song out loud 'til some guy gave me a weird look. Oh well, what can I say? :D
Well, better start being productive. Long day ahead. See you later.
"today never happened before"
